Hello year thirty-nine....
A few years back, I made the decision that every year before my birthday, I would schedule a self-portrait session.
Did I end up doing that each year? Nope!
Do most of us photographers suck at keeping up with their own portraits? Yup!
Now, a little backstory… when I was learning photography in high school & college, I would use self-portrait shoots to practice lighting and try new techniques without having to bother friends or find a model to be my guinea pig.
At some point, it became a fun, creative outlet for me, and I continued doing it regularly for years, even after I graduated. When I had a day off, I’d pump the music up, do my hair and make-up, and dance around. It became cathartic. Sometimes the pictures never saw the light of day; other times, I would post my favorites on MySpace or Facebook, and the comments were a fun little confidence boost. It was a regular self-care routine and something I enjoyed for years.
At some point, it became more of a chore, and the thought of having to get ready and set up on my days off just wasn’t something I wanted to bother with. I was also experiencing my own body image issues and mental health struggles, which added to the need to hide rather than be seen.
I was lucky enough to be photographed by the amazing Cat Ford Coates, an incredible photographer and mentor, at a photography conference a few years back, and have been using those photos for my business since. I love them, and I think it’s important that photographers get their portraits taken by other photographers. It helps us put ourselves in our client’s shoes and understand the vulnerability of being in front of a camera.
It’s also just as important to document our own lives and stories, just as we do for our clients.
This birthday is the last of my 30’s, which have been a monumental decade for me, full of ups and downs. I decided this year I need to stick to that goal of a yearly self-portrait shoot.
So, begrudgingly, I headed to my studio, did my full glam get-ready routine, and set up for some self-portraits.
I needed updated portraits to use for my own website and branding, so I took those first, and they came out fine. Not great, not terrible. By the end of the shoot, I was almost packed up. And then I had the thought… how about some fun ones just for me?
So I cranked my music up and set my camera to capture black & whites, set the timer, and just danced around, added a fan to my hair, and went for it. Not caring how they came out, or if they were usable. And something interesting happened. I started to feel the same care-free sense of enthusiasm I used to have when I did these shoots. I started to feel like ME again.
After struggling with depression, anxiety, C-PTSD, and ADHD for the past few years, in addition to grief and loss, this was the first time I’d had that feeling in quite a long time, and it made me a bit emotional.
And you know what? I LOVE these portraits the most. The true “me” came out when I stopped caring about the outcome and how I’d be perceived, and I started to think, " Is this how my clients feel when they finally see their true selves through the portraits I take?” It was truly an eye-opening moment for me.
It’s all about breaking that wall down and letting ourselves feel the freedom of being who we really are. And when the camera can capture that? Magic happens.
So I decided to share these portraits with all of you, along with 10 lessons that my 30’s have taught me, and what I hope to take into this year, and my 40’s and beyond.
I hope this post resonates with you and encourages you to take the time for self-care as much as possible, in whatever way, shape, or form that manifests for you. It’s vital, and just as important as the care you give to others.
10 Lessons My 30's Have Taught me
01: There is No Correct Timeline
I used to be in such a hurry. To accomplish "X" before "X." I thought that unless my business was full-time, I hadn't "made it" yet. At some point, I asked the question: "According to who?"
I can set my own rules. I work a "day job" as a product photographer, and I love my job. I love my co-workers, my schedule, and what I do. I have health care, a 401 (k), and paid time off, which is HUGE as a creative.
I also had the realization that I AM a full-time photographer. I get to have the stability of a photography job that I enjoy, and run my business the way I want to, without the added stress of having to rely solely on that for my survival. This allowed me to niche down to what I truly love doing, and only take on projects that I fully connect with.
02: Mental Health Care is the most important form of Self-care
For a long time, I had therapy on the back burner. And guess what? It caught up to me. Debilitating depression and anxiety, unresolved trauma, and untreated ADHD... a terrible combo. It stifled my creativity to the point where I almost gave up my passion. It stopped me from enjoying life. I lost years of time and progress. When I finally made the decision to get the help I needed, it was truly life-changing.
Getting a diagnosis gave me clarity and validation, and helped me understand myself. Talk therapy gave me support, a place to vent without judgment, and bias-free advice. EMDR gave me a way to work through my unresolved childhood trauma. TMS has helped my depression and anxiety and made me feel like myself again. I'm not "cured" by any means. I am still a work in progress, but the difference is massive.
Even if you don't have all the issues I struggle with, I am a full believer that everyone can benefit from therapy of some kind. If you are struggling, there is help for you. I promise, it helps, and you're worth fighting for.
03: Burnout is Not a Badge of Honor
For a period of time after I started this variation of my business, I worked my ASS OFF. As Taylor would say, I girlbossed too close to the sun, full steam ahead. I would come home from work every day, and work on my computer until my husband cautiously knocked on the door to remind me to eat dinner, then I'd spend about an hour with him before bed before doing it again the next day. I went to several networking events a week, scheduled shoots every weekend... if I wasn't working on my business, I was FAILING.
And then one day it hit me HARD. To the point where I almost quit. I was exhausted, resentful, and physically ill. And the worst part? It didn't actually help my business; it backfired.
Finally, over time, I started scheduling "working hours" and stuck to a very strict schedule. I now give myself specific "time-off" and only schedule a limited amount of shoots per month. My time off is sacred and a priority. And the best part? My business is doing the best it ever has. Because I am well rested and able to give my clients my all.
04: Boundaries are non-negotiable
Whether it's with a friend or family member, or your working hours, or how you spend your time...stick to your boundaries and protect them at all costs.
It's not rude to set a boundary or stick to it. It's self-care 101. It's also not selfish, and the right people will understand and respect them.
Every single time I've allowed a boundary to be broken, I've regretted it, and it only ever hurt me.
It can be a hard lesson to learn, and it certainly was for me, but it's crucial to your well-being and never something you should bend on. Hold your ground.
05: Aging isn't Scary, it's empowering
As women, it's been ingrained in us since birth to fear getting older. Our worth diminishes with every year, wrinkle, and line. And I call bullshit!
The truth is, we become stronger, wiser, and more powerful. Unstoppable. Fearless. Bold. More sure of who we are, what we want, and what we won't tolerate.
Lean into that. Appreciate each wrinkle, every scar. You earned that. It tells the story of your life.
My grandmother used to say, "Your 40s+ are YOUR time." She only got to live to 63, despite being full of life and light. Aging is a privilege. Every moment you get is a gift. Spend it wisely instead of wishing you could go back.
06: Find the Joy in little moments. Enjoy the Present.
I learned this one from my late dog, Dexter. He passed away in 2025 at the age of 14 from Kidney Disease. It was a major loss for my husband and me, one which we are still grieving. He was a huge part of our lives together, and an equal third in our tiny family.
One of my favorite things he used to do... was every time there was a breeze when he was out on a walk, he would stop, close his eyes, and just feel it on his face. He would smell the smells coming into his little dog brain and truly enjoy that moment. We always stopped and just watched him, and since he passed, we've both started doing it whenever we feel the breeze. Take the moment, and appreciate it.
Dogs don't care about the stupid things we do. They only get a short time here, and they live every second, by the second, to the absolute fullest. There's a big lesson to be learned there. Find the joy in the small moments, and take the time to appreciate them while you can.
07: Not Everyone is Meant to Stay in Your Life Forever
This was a hard one for me. I used to take every lost connection, friendship, or relationship break-up very personally. And as a life-long people pleaser, I would often tolerate bad treatment or toxicity longer than I should have.
I've learned that sometimes, someone comes into your life to teach you something, or maybe they're just there for that time period. Moving on is okay, growing apart is okay, losing touch is okay. It's not a reflection on you or them.
Letting go can be difficult, but sometimes necessary. Your people, the ones that are meant to stay, make it obvious. And throughout your life, new people will keep showing up, teaching you new things. Embrace new connections, nurture the ones you have, and let go of the ones that no longer fit, with love.
08: Love your Body, It loves You
Once again, as women, we've been indoctrinated to think every part of our bodies needs to be fixed or changed in some way. We're always our own worst critics, too. Can you imagine saying the things you say to yourself to a friend or loved one? You would never, right? So why are we okay letting that negative self-talk run everything? Let's love ourselves instead.
Obviously, that's easier said than done. But lately, I've been trying to re-frame those insecurities into something positive.
I've never liked my hands, I've always thought my fingers are fat and stubby, and they look manly. Ok rude. Without my hands, how would I create my art? My smile? I used to cover my mouth because I thought my smile was "too gummy," whatever that means. Now, I see my grandma's smile, and I think she was beautiful, so yeah. So am I.
Every time you have those thoughts, see if you can re-frame them in your head. Over time, you'll start changing how you see yourself and appreciate those things that make you different. They make you, YOU!
09: Worrying Doesn't Change The Outcome
As a chronic worrier and over-thinker, I've come to learn that worrying about something has never changed what ultimately happened. And it only stressed me out in the meantime.
Everything I've ever worried about ended up working out, in some form or another, even if it didn't seem like it at the time.
I know it's hard in the moment to let that stress go, but it will only cause you harm in the long-run. Stress is the worst thing for your health!
10: You Can Do Hard THings
You are stronger, more capable, and more resilient than you think you are.
Think of everything you've already made it through, and you're still standing.
Whatever the thing is that you think you can't do, you know deep down that you can. It just takes knowing it and moving towards it.
You have the power, fix it.
What I'm looking forward to for 39 and into my 40's
- Unapologetic Self-Love and trust.
- Growth.
- Forward Momentum.
- More me-time, and keeping that non-negotiable.
- Movement.
- Saying yes to new experiences, especially the ones outside my comfort zone.
- All of my future dogs that I will appreciate each moment with, and live in the now.
- Future connections, and all the wonderful people I still have yet to meet.
- Every single amazing woman whom I will have the privilege to photograph, and help tell their story and preserve their legacy with my artwork. I can't wait to meet you!
